It’s now more common for marriages to fail than it is for them to last a lifetime and yet almost every weekend, a new Mr and Mrs are introduced to the world.
It’s easy to think that when you date and finally get engaged, you will have learned everything there is to know about your future spouse.
When you spend time together as a married couple, you begin to see quirky characteristics, uncovered passions and dreams and annoying habits that you never noticed when you were engaged. Some as petty as the way you prefer the toilet paper to roll or the right way to crinkle the toothpaste tube.
Marriage is serious stuff, and going into it blindly is not the best idea because when it comes to marriage, what you don’t know really can hurt you.
It is important for you to be prepared for whatever answer you may receive from him and emphasise that he be as honest as possible. Also, don’t push him if he gets uncomfortable – keep the questions in a conversational tone.
The following questions are in no particular order, but may provide food for thought when planning your future life together:
1. Do you have any unresolved issues from past relationships?
Revealing the intimate details of past relationships is a personal and often sensitive decision. But since you are preparing to go on a lifetime journey, your relationship is mature enough to discuss issues like that to prevent
2. How many children would you, ideally, like to have?
How many children do they want? Do they want children at all? Do they have strong opinions on how they want to raise their children? Do you have differing opinions? From television rules to bedtime discipline, you two will eventually have to decide how to raise your children together.
3. Would not being able to have children be a deal breaker for you?
By definition, deal breakers are those areas on which you cannot compromise in a relationship and having children has over the years been one of the causes of broken marriages.
4. Does your family have a significant medical history that could affect you or any children we may have?
A family medical history can identify people with a higher-than-usual chance of having common disorders, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, certain cancers, and diabetes. Having relatives with a medical condition does not mean that an individual will definitely develop that condition. To be on the safer side, it is good to know.
5. What are your thoughts about sharing of chores for our family?
Does he prefer it 50/50? I call this the everyday details, even tasks around the house, such as who pays the bills, cooks the meals and cleans the house are important to discuss.
6. What are your ultimate financial goals for our family?
Talk about how each of you plans to earn, spend, save, give, and invest money if you get married, and why. If you discover that one or both of you doesn’t currently have a healthy budget or healthy money management attitudes or habits, get help and make changes before getting married to save yourselves from having to go through tremendous stress afterward.
7. How do you see us 10 years from now?
Keeping the answer to this question in mind can help a couple deal with current conflict as they work toward their ultimate relationship goals and it could also be an opportunity to raise the question of whether each partner will consider divorce if the relationship deteriorates.
8. Do you have any strong religious beliefs and values? If Yes, Why?
Your background and upbringing have a huge impact on who you are and what you value. Your actions will reflect your values and beliefs.
9. How often do you think we should plan time for fun and romance in our relationship?
The secret to keeping love alive is in putting forth the effort that you did when love was new. Is he ready to embrace the opportunity to do something that pushes you out of your comfort zone as a pleasurable experience to help keep the romance alive?
10. Agreement on Sex
You both should discuss how your sex life should be. Also if you or your partner are not comfortable with an aspect of your sex life, you can talk about it openly, without criticism.
This by no means a complete list, but it is a good starter kit.